franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Vodka?
Forever.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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