We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
