where am i from again
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
