That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
