The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
