I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
