I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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