I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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