Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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