I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
