Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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