Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
