going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize