I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just googled if crying burns calories
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
