My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
