Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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