then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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