For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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