I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
