woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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