my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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