shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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