it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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