Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize