At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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