We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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