If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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