My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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