yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
