Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
