Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize