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what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
