I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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