Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
can u get pink eye on your cock?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
