someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
