I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
