I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
and she was petting her beer can
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
