I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
