You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
