If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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