You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
