New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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