I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
