The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
