I think i peed on brittanys purse
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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