btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
