dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
