I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Randomize
