She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
