speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
