it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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