is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
