party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize