Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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