Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
