did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
