I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize