i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
