is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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