Why does Corona taste like a burp?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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