Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
