There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
