i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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