Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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