I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
