i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
