I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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