Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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