We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I am spending my child support on dildos
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
