just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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